animated world

i have to admit that my life now in the midst dilemma. sometimes it felt like very hmm..how to say this, sort of excruciating. i tot i get over myself already about something, but it kept trying to digging back the old wound. it was left with a deep cut inside not once, but a few times. when i stitch it, it keep me alive for a while. but somehow, it bleed again and i started to barely able to breath.

i feel like i am pretending to be a better person for the sake of my past. the more i push it, the further it goes. life is about happiness. we are bound to it. that's why when it is aside us, we feel lonely. maybe this kind of happiness are not meant for me. maybe i looked at the wrong side of it and not at the right place where i should to.

the air surrounded me sometimes drowned me a little when the old memories that brought back the past came through. it is not what i am looking for. but all of these happen so fast in the blink of eyes. even how strong i stand before it, eventually it will find my weakest spot. slowly the wound bleed again. again... and again until i realize how pale i am.

i keep on challenge myself how far can i go? how long will it takes for me for full recovery?it's like a cancer. u tot u get rid of it already, suddenly it reappear again. though as a small portion, but it grows. many approach that i have taken to cure this illness. everything has a side effect. the more u take, the more u get. at one point u realize that no more u can do.its excruciating!

i hope that something that make me bleed again will become harmless to anyone in the future.

after all, it's quite a relieved to take out what is engraved in me. the best thing to do in life is to find all the happiness that u can get. cheer up zam! =)

p/s: lamenye tak post kt blog~ aih..msc thingy...